‘Boldly Go!’: Where No Musical has Gone Before

by Agent Alicia Glass (a.k.a. Pandora the Punctuation Horror)

Who doesn’t love the sweeping span of the Star Trek universe? While we all wait for our next beloved offering of the Roddenberry-inspired series to come back to the small screen, we can all get off our collective butts and go see the Trek-inspired stage play of Boldly Go!

A stage musical of epic farcical proportions, Boldly Go! follows the intrepid crew of the — what else? — Starship Enterprise, featuring the return of many beloved characters along with some brand new ones, all off on a brand new exciting adventure! Previous assumptions will be confronted, old paradigms challenged, new alliances tested, and brand new contacts made – whether for good or ill as has yet to be seen. And our beloved sci-fi world is all set in a side-splitting tour de force of musical mayhem!

While the stage show has fun with the sometimes ludicrous aspects of science fiction and parodies Star Trek, this new show also lovingly satirizes the entire musical theater genre as well. At its core, Boldly Go! is a story about being true to oneself and one’s convictions even if and perhaps especially when they can be considered laughable, about friendship and love, about the discovery and wonder of things new, about the triumph of the individual over any adversity, and about the joy of sharing with one another this vast and mysterious Universe.

Boldly Go! is written by the Remmen brothers: Cole, a University of Minnesota Theatre Arts Senior, and Grant, a Caltech theoretical physics graduate student. The Caltech world premiere of the stage play features a talented cast from the Caltech and Jet Propulsion Lab communities. The musical is being shown at the Ramo Auditorium of the Caltech Campus in Pasadena, California. Scheduled performances are as follows:
Friday, February 26, 7:30 p.m.
Saturday, February 27, 7:30 p.m.
Sunday, February 28, 2:30 p.m.
Thursday, March 3, 7:30 p.m.
Friday, March 4, 7:30 p.m.
Saturday, March 5, 2:30 p.m.

Purchase your tickets online here, and remember, to Boldly Go! where no musical has gone before!


Breaking News: Confirmed Super Villain Plots

SVN reported earlier on reports of Super Villains on the loose throughout the western United States. We can now confirm that, in fact, the Super Villains are carrying out a planned invasion on Salt Lake Comic Con, and some target, as yet unknown, in the San Francisco Bay area.

As previously reported, Professor H.G. Von Himmel and The Sin-sei are already lurking in and around Salt Lake City, and this evening, we’ve received confirmed reports that the pair have been walking the perimeter of the Salt Palace, appearing to study the access points to the building. Von Himmel’s feline accomplice, Weasel was not with them. One witness stated that Von Himmel was carrying a large bag of what appeared to be some kind of herb, and muttering, “Here, kitty, kitty,” as he went.

After a bit of investigative work, SVN has discovered that many of the Super Villains are fans of Instagram, most notably, Medici Rodin and Hex Quillion. Rodin himself confirmed the Villains’ plan to invade Salt Lake Comic Con:


Tonight, we have received cell phone images from an anonymous tipster, whom we are certain did not survive his or her injuries: May he or she rest in peace. The photos (below) show Hex Quillion loading the stash of Nutri-Grain bars, which she invariably brings to conventions, into her getaway vehicle in Los Angeles.

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Then, came this bizarre Instagram post from Quillion herself:

Farewell for now, my little California cuties! I'm on the road to #slcc

A post shared by HexQuillion (@hexquillion) on

The notorious Quillion was held, until recently, in a high security facility, after a deadly altercation arising from an argument over the use of the Oxford comma. It is believed that Quillion escaped using only a pen and a common spork.

Quillion is highly dangerous. Aside from the evil curses for which she was nicknamed Hex, Quillion is known for her signature salted paper cut, which she can exact with any gauge of paper product available. Furthermore, Quillion is known for carrying a quill pen filled with a mind-controlling serum that turns hapless bystanders into her literary slaves. Quillion’s known weaknesses are fast cars and cheese.

Super Villain Deelja is on the loose in San Francisco Bay area, along with deadly siren, Han-ji. Deelja and Han-ji may seem harmless on first glance, cute even, but do not be fooled by their approachable exterior. Deelja may be cleverly and deceitfully disguised as Ariel, but this is no little mermaid. This is a highly volatile Lorelei that has the deadly capacity to sink ships. Han-ji has the villainous ability to mesmerize her victims with K-pop music, then brainwash her victims to do her bidding.

Recently, the disguised duet were recognized in a store, fawning over the new Cover Girl Star Wars makeup collection. Today, multiple eyewitness accounts place the pair of Super Villains together, poring over a convention guide for Kraken Con in Oakland, California. Be advised that both of these Super Villains are mistresses of masquerade.

This story is evolving quickly, and in order to keep you updated as quickly as possible, SVN will be relaying the posts of the sinister swarm of Super Villains on the move over the coming days.


Breaking News: Unprecedented Super Villain Activity Reported

SVN has been receiving reports from several western states about a dramatic increase in Super Villain activity today. We’ve received exclusive photos of Super Villain Medici Rodin, who was last seen leaving Oregon, driving west in an unmarked van, loaded with unidentified cargo. It is believed that Rodin is currently somewhere in the state of Idaho. Be advised that Rodin is considered extremely dangerous because, in addition to his Super Villain activities, he is a New Jersey driver. If you encounter Rodin, coffee and Taylor Ham on a hard roll will temporarily distract him long enough for you to get away…providing you don’t call the salty processed pork product Pork Roll or Canadian Bacon.

Meanwhile, eyewitnesses have reported several sightings of notorious Super Villains, Professor H.G. Von Himmel and The Sin-sei, skulking around Salt Lake City. Von Himmel was last reported in his underground lair, in the company of a felonious feline named Weasel. One witness reported seeing Von Himmel with a 5-gallon bucket of what appeared to be some sort of adhesive. Von Himmel is infamous for his dastardly work with adhesives and fasteners, so residents are urged to be on the lookout. If you spontaneously become adhered to either the ground, another individual, or an inanimate object, this may be the work of Von Himmel. Don’t move (like you have a choice?) and call for help immediately.

The Sin-sei has been seen at several locations in Salt Lake City, touring the facilities and taking up slack. She was last seen wearing a short skirt and a long jacket. There have, at present, been no reports of her possessing a machete, but there have been reports of produce, such as watermelon and cantelope, being spontaneously sliced in half at local markets. Others have reported evidence of being spontaneously clean-shaven after a brief encounter with The Sin-Sei. Because of her incredible speed, she is considered a hazard to produce and facial hair everywhere.

There are also unconfirmed reports that Super Villains Deelja and Han-ji have been sighted in the San Francisco Bay area, and they also appear to be making preparations for some kind of activity.

SVN will, of course, be following these stories and bring you more information as it becomes available.


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Oracle of the Cosmic Order A Practical Guide to Mayhem by the Stars 9/21-9/27

by Agent Amanda Grefski (a.k.a Madame Helleveeg)

September 21 to September 27, 2015 Horoscope:

You feel like the Force is with you this week, but make sure the warranty on that light saber is paid up, because you and your weapons do have limits. And don’t worry about being left behind, whether it’s because of Mercury’s retrograde or any other reason.

Being left behind can be a curse and a blessing; those who you thought were allies remove themselves from your life with surprisingly little effort. What’s more, this is a week when your nefarious plans will shine, so they will be regretting that decision immediately after removing themselves from your life. And, whether it’s today or tomorrow, you’ll exact revenge. Now that sounds like something to wait out the retrograde for, doesn’t it?

Aries  (3/21 – 4/19):

Aries villain, you feel like the Force is with you this week, but make sure the warrantee on that light saber is paid up, because you and your weapons do have limits. Despite Mercury’s retrograde, you feel like a million Alliance Credits, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t pace yourself!

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20):

Taurus villain, this week you must refrain from going over your budget. So, unfortunately this means no Guitar Boy for you, kiddo. If you let your frivolous spending get the better of you, you may be looking at a steady diet of ramen in the near future. Or worse yet, it may put you in a bullish mood that alienates your overlord. And, as you remember, that always ends in a situation that goes ka-boom, doesn’t it?

Gemini (5/21 – 6/21):

Gemini villain, Mercury is your “home planet,” so when mercury is in retrograde, you’re more tongue-tied than Cat’s video on the good ole Red Dwarf. Worse yet, you really do have to worry about what smeg people say and what you say back. It’s best to take a step back and lay low for while before this retrograde runs its course.

Cancer (6/22 – 7/22):

Cancer villain, you’re feeling the tension lately. Not only are you bearing the brunt of the retrograde’s miscommunications, but whatever has got you in such a twist makes you feel like a thermonuclear reactor inside. You’re a regular Bomb Voyage with your own combustion. Not cool (quite literally). If this means the crabby villain has to retreat into his or her shell for a bit to cool off? So be it, because unless you’re ready to fricassee your enemies, no one is safe this week.

Leo (7/23 – 8/22):

Leo villain, you are a ball of anticipation this week; it’s Chase waiting to open the Zoey’s time capsule. You’re just dying to know what inside, but you may need to wait another moment. And true to the theory of relativity, that moment seems like a lifetime. Try not to sweat it … the operative word here is “try.” You may need a mani and pedi when the anticipation is over, but you can do it, Leo villain.

Virgo (8/23 – 9/22):

Virgo villain, if you don’t control yourself, you may be in for a little temper tantrum this week. And I’m not talking a toddler TT, unless that toddler is the love child of Baby Huey and the Hulk. Sigh. Things are just not going to go your way this week and you may have to accept some unflattering change.

Libra (9/23 – 10/22):

Because you are the chief negotiator of the zodiac, you are the Khals and Khaleesis this week. You’ll be able to cut through the miscommunication of the retrograde like a dance with dragons. What’s more, your business sense is better than the Spider and Little Finger combined, which makes this mine-field rife with miscommunication yours for the picking. It’s a stark comparison to how everyone else will be communicating, that’s for sure. Just stick to business, and don’t be so overconfident that you lose your head.

Scorpio (10/23 – 11/21):

Scorpio villain, do you feel like you’ve been re-running Home Alone for the past 25 years? Ahhhhhhh! Being left behind can be a curse and a blessing; those who you thought were allies remove themselves from your life with surprisingly little effort.  What’s more, this is a week where your nefarious plans will shine, so they will be regretting that decision immediately after removing themselves from your life. I think that sounds better than a family trip to Paris, don’t you?

Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21):

Sag villain: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all? You are Sag villain, without a doubt. And with your knack for poison apples, you’re quite the villain to contend with. However, because mercury is in retrograde, you are especially susceptible to flattery, Regina, so be careful! You don’t want to be the spider caught in another black widow’s web, do you?

Capricorn (12/22 – 1/19):

Your stoic expression belies a fertile villainous mind, Cappy villain. And especially in this retrograde of retrogrades, you are mistaken for passive, or potentially inept. This couldn’t be further from the truth. You have Poison Ivy’s drive and Magneto’s cunning, and the patience to pale both of them. The result? Cross seemingly mild-mannered Cappy villain and watch out! It may not be be soon, or even this week, but you will exact revenge, Capricorn villain.

Aquarius (1/20 – 2/18):

You are the mastermind of the zodiac and you’ve got the big, blue brain to prove it … er, well, usually. When Mercury is in retrograde, your ideas get a little scrambled. Kind of like Mojo Jojo in a 7-11 raspberry blue slushy machine. The crux of your idea is in there, but with most of us scrambled as well, there’s no one to unscramble your cypher. You are a puzzle, wrapped in an enigma, shrouded in mystery, and you may have to remain that way until the retrograde is over.

Pisces (2/19-3/20):

Pisces villain, you’re a sensitive little fishy, but you’re not content to swim circles in your fish bowl or some pond — you may be coy, but you’re not koi, am I right? Ponyo, you’re not! You’re fugu all the way; cute at the get go, but watch out! You’ve got a stinger and poison to match and although you may deflate those spikes for the right fish, Mercury’s retrograde makes that very difficult. On the flip side, don’t take this as carte blanche to sting now and ask later, either.


Welcome to the Super Villain Network

Welcome to the Super Villain Network. We are now in control. You have been selected for recruitment. We are pleased that you’ve responded to our summons, and have come to join the new order. We reject the “superhero” paradigm of maintaining the status quo. Super Villainy is true democracy in action. We recognize your potential as a Super Villain.

We will use our media influence to highlight the best, the up-and-coming, and the under-appreciated aspects of fandom, in order to restore free-thinking and creativity. We have overthrown the champions of box-store tyranny. We have overthrown the mundane and liberated the shackled imagination. You are a new asset in our order.

We are the Super Villains.